Knowledge Base

Furnishings and Possessions:        How Do We Divide This "Stuff"?

July 1, 2014  

Written by:  Dr. Lynne Halem 


            Most people do not think of their household belongings as assets.  It is, after all, just “stuff”.  Except that, if asked to view the "stuff" as property subject to division in divorce, then suddenly, even the smallest or most insignificant items are seen in a whole new light, indeed a whole new value.


     In divorce, couples are confronted with the creation of two new households.  Furnishing a new home is not a simple or inexpensive undertaking.  The replacement of major items such as televisions and sound systems is obviously an expensive assignment, but dishes, appliances, towels, sheets, silverware and the rest of the stuff that makes a house a livable home is no small deal.

    Some couples evidence little trouble or concern with dividing their belongings. “No big deal,” they say. “ We will have no trouble with this task; you can consider it done,” they tell their mediator.


 But others faced with the task are beset with confusion. 

Do we value everything and then create two homes, each holding fifty percent of the value of the former home? 

Do we consider replacement value or the actual value of our belongings? The dining room set that cost $5000 ten years ago, would never fetch anywhere near that price today; yet, to replace it would probably cost far more that the original price. 

How do we define “fair”?

How do we approach items that were gifted from family and friends, even from one spouse to the other? 

Or similarly how do we handle antiques and other items of increased value—art, rugs, collectibles or jewelry? 

And what about items that either of us inherited?  Do we each keep what came from our family or friends?  What if the item or items were given to both of us?  What if one likes the item from the other’s family more than the recipient? 

 The questions can multiply with little effort.


     Ironically many couples evince more emotional ties to “stuff” than they do to the major assets of retirement funds and real estate.  Each piece has a history, a place where it was purchased or a situation that surrounded its origination. For example, a family member purchased it for one of the spouses for his/her 21st birthday or the purchase was made from dollars saved over many years—a real sacrifice. There are memories surrounding the painting or the table or the piece of jewelry –and memories linger and take on a larger meaning when an individual is asked to put aside feelings and view an item as only an item, maybe even only as its dollar value.


     So how do couples who are beset by these deep and troubling questions actually divide their belongings, and create two households from one? There is really no one perfect solution, no one-way that fits all families. There are, however, some guidelines to follow.


Guidelines to Dividing Joint Belongings; the "Stuff"


•            Try to accept the objective of creating two functional homes in which each party will have to purchase replacement items.  Typically, but, of course, not always, one spouse does not want to retain the household items “as is” if he or she has to pay the other for their half, unless the sum to be paid is nominal.  The party retaining the household possessions often will argue that he or she is keeping the “old stuff” and paying the other one to purchase new stuff.  Moreover, the debate over the value, the replacement or original cost saga, is never easy to resolve.


•           Identify items that have significant meaning to each spouse and try in the apportionment of items to have them stay with that party (if of major value, balancing the division such that the other party receives something of comparable value may be necessary)


•           Decide if items from each party’s family and friends should stay with that party (If either person does not really have a tie to the item, this may not be important in determining the actual division.)


•            Consider where each spouse will be living.  Will he or she have a house with a dining room? If not, they will not need the dining room set. Or perhaps one party will keep an item or items for the other until he or she has a home that will accommodate the item or items.  It is not unusual for one spouse to store and use items, which will ultimately belong to the other.


•             Consider if the discrepancy in value should be balanced or not.  At times people use differences in other belongings to balance a perceived or actual imbalance in the division of household possessions.  A car or boat is a common item used to effect a division that both parties feel balances the scales.





Is an Appraisal Needed?

       Typically the mediator works with the couple to fashion a process that will help them to divide their household possessions rather than to participate in the actual division.  Rarely are appraisals undertaken for entire households of belongings unless the couple is truly unable to reach a division that seems equitable to both or the items are of such significance that appraisals are mandatory.  More commonly, where appraisals are undertaken, they relate to individual items or collections of items.  Art, rugs, jewelry, collections, antiques are among the items that may require appraisals.  At times a couple agrees to divvy up valuables without consideration for value and agrees that each one will bequeath the items to the children, thereby preventing either from selling the valuable.  Or, if the item is to be sold, then the proceeds will be equally shared. 


 The “trick” to working through a division of “stuff” lies in thinking creatively and, too, thinking of each other’s feelings as well as the bottom line dollar value.

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