Is Divorce Mediation Right For You?

Deciding to divorce or separate is never an easy decision.  Sometimes the decision is years in the making; sometimes only one spouse spearheads the move to divorce; sometimes the decision is made in steps with couples agreeing first to try a separation before proceeding to divorce.  Regardless of the time involved in making the decision or even the role of each party in the decision making, moving ahead with divorce is often a confusing time.  There is no preamble in the marriage vows as to what a divorce entails or as to how one begins the process. Each party’s knowledge base may be built on unreliable sources such as horrific divorce sagas heard from friends or family or even movie scripts.

Individuals approaching separation and divorce need to be educated.  They need to learn what decisions have to be made and in which areas.  They also need to learn about the alternative approaches for reaching an agreement and securing a divorce.

The question that we are posing in this article is whether divorce mediation is the option of choice for you and your spouse. Consider the following:

At times individuals believe that their situation is just not appropriate for mediation.  They ask, can we mediate if:

• My spouse is self employed
• My spouse has inherited money and property
• My spouse has difficulty communicating
• My spouse handles all the finances
• Our children are very young

Unfortunately, too many just dismiss mediation outright, self branding themselves as inappropriate candidates without any consideration of the accuracy of their assessment. Then, too, there are couples who haven’t the vaguest idea what mediation is and in particular what advantages mediation, as a forum and a process, offers to their family.

We, at the Centre for Mediation and Dispute Resolution, believe that the majority of people are appropriate for mediation unless there is physical abuse or hidden assets.  Consider the following profiles of couples who are obvious candidates for mediation:

• Those who are concerned about the long-term welfare of their children

• Those who wish to ensure that their children have the advantages of their continued parental involvement and collaboration

• Those who are able to engage in a problem-solving approach to consider the implications and ramifications of different options on both parties

• Those who believe that their money is better spent on their family rather than being dissipated by lengthy and protracted legal negotiations and/or actions. This group includes:

—   Couples who may be less concerned about their future relationship than about maintaining the integrity of their holdings.  They believe that the marital estate should be preserved as much as possible, thereby calling for a more cost-efficient and expeditious route to divorce.

—   Couples who have significant estates, are self-employed, or hold stock in closely-held or family-owned businesses and/or have inherited and/or gifted holdings.  Wealth is not a contra-indication for mediation.  Indeed, the wealthy often see the mediation process as the avenue of choice.

It is not unusual for one spouse to be more willing than the other to consider mediation.  This does not mean that the couple is inappropriate for mediation; it does mean that the hesitant party needs to learn more about the process. Complimentary consultations provide both spouses with the opportunity to ask questions about the mediation and divorcing process and the experience of the mediator. Couples owe it to themselves and to their families to at least investigate all of their options.  In the final analysis they may discover that mediation offers the most valuable option for their present and future well-being.