Marrying In Your Senior Years? Consider Mediating a Prenuptial Agreement

Marrying In Your Senior Years? Consider Mediating a Prenuptial Agreement

Marriage at any time in life gives rise to different questions and issues. Those who marry when they are young often focus on how they will build their lives together. Do they want to have children? What are their dreams –now and in the future?

Different from those who are creating the foundation for their marriage, are those who marry later in life, perhaps when they are thinking of retiring or have already retired. These individuals bring a detailed history with them into the creation of a new family unit.   This history may well include children and grandchildren, as well as established friendships and connections that shape their daily lives. To complicate the picture, each individual is in a sense also a financial “unit” comprised of his/her assets and liabilities. They may own property; they may have debts and/or obligations to others; they may be financially secure; then again they may not be. To add a bit more flavor to the portrayal, we need to recognize that each prospective spouse will bring his/her opinions, biases and habits that shape their daily lives.

To conclude that senior marriages may have different, even greater, confusions than marriage for the young, does not suggest that marriage for seniors should be avoided. It does suggest that planning for the marriage should include discussions of known factors, acknowledgement of personal and financial differences and approaches, and a plan for moving forward.

Communication between future spouses is the essential first step in uncovering stated and unstated issues that need to be explored. The creation of a prenuptial plan—an actual agreement—may help to alleviate at least some of each person’s concerns and to provide positive steps for the creation of their relationship as a couple.

Mediation of prenuptial agrees provides a vehicle for a discussion that is focused on the positive—to remove impediments to marital happiness, to ensure each one’s welfare within the marital framework, and to plan for catastrophic happenings such as divorce or death. And, not to be overlooked, the collaborative and confidential nature of medication seeks to preserve the excitement of a new beginning within an analytical framework that looks backward for the knowledge needed to help the couple move ahead with clarity and joy.

With the guidance of a knowledgeable mediator, who is familiar with different facets of a prenuptial agreement for seniors, and adept at facilitating communication and problem-solving, couples may consider the following:

• To Discuss Living Arrangements in the framework of a budgetary analysis of cost.
• Are there differences in budgetary objectives? Preferences? Priorities? Are there existing obligations? Will there be future obligations based on commitments already made?
• What are the sources of revenue? How will they be treated? Will moneys be kept separately? Will moneys be combined? Will some funds be combined and others kept separately?
• Who pays for what?
• Are there going to be changes to your existing Will and estate plan (assuming that you have one)? If not, consider a Will and estate plan as a newly married couple.
• Who are your existing beneficiaries? Are you going to change beneficiaries after marriage?
• Will your Will be modified based on the years that you will be married?
• Are you retired? If not, how are you going to approach retirement? What if one wants to retire and the other does not?
• Do you have dreams for how to spend your retirement? If different, how do approach the recognition of differences in your objectives and/or plans?
• Consider how to handle the wishes of other family members? If there are objections to your marriage, how will they be dealt with and by whom?
• What if one person becomes ill? Are their provisions for health care? Should the estate be structured to protect funds in the event of prolonged illness?
• To discuss how to structure health care proxies and power of attorney provisions
• And so on and on can the list grow

It is important to recognize that provisions in a prenuptial agreement can be very narrow and also very expansive. The key objective is to “roll out” the issues and to analyze their importance individually and as a couple. A prenuptial should not “hurt” the prospects for future happiness. To the contrary, it should help to build a foundation that is based on acknowledgment of issues and collaboration in the resolution of present and future issues.